


Clawing My Way Out of Misery

by tabbykats



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Dead Bianca di Angelo, Depressed Nico di Angelo, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lotus Hotel and Casino, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicidal Thoughts, Three Days in the Infirmary (Percy Jackson), Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23238694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbykats/pseuds/tabbykats
Summary: Colored marks smeared the part of your body your soulmate would first touch. Everyone had something. When your soulmate touched that spot, the colors would vanish, revealing your true appearance.Demigods carried parts of animals and monsters instead of stained skin. No one knew why, they just figured their Godly parent pissed off one too many dracaenas or even mated with a lion, Who knows? Right?The colors on your tail and horns represented your soul. So red meant bravery and a fiery passion and blue were associated with great communication skills as well as calmness. One thing no one had though was black. Black represents loneliness, depression, misery and more. Any negative emotion you can think of is what blackened feathers and fangs represent. Black meant death, that was that. So it shouldn’t have been too unusual for Nico to bear blackened claws right?
Relationships: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jason Grace/Piper McLean, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 7
Kudos: 173





	Clawing My Way Out of Misery

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Nico is depressed and has reoccurring thoughts of suicide (minor) in this fic.  
> He also deals with a skin disorder based on what I experience in my own life. There are mentions of blood from this particular skin disorder so read carefully.

Nico picked up a blueberry muffin, careful not to tear the blue wrappings and create a mess. He sat by himself at the very edge of the Hermes table, watching young campers run around the dining pavilion. They had a familiar glimmer to their eyes and a spring to their step. All of them had colorful feathers on their cheeks or the edge of their elbow. Some had orange claws while others had green feathered hair. It shimmered with the light reflecting off of it and it was beautiful, to say the least.  
They were all different but all so colorful. 

Nico went to reach for another piece of his blueberry muffin, only to tear the wrappings with his blackened claws. Darkness and depression, that’s all he was and his claws proved it. They weren’t pretty like the others. They were broken and chipped in some areas. The black marks spread up to his fingers and blended with his olive skin tone around his wrists. It looked disgusting, frightening even. Unlike everyone else, his claws actually looked like they belonged to a monster. His hands felt rough and dry. In the winter, his hands would become cracked and even bleed. It was painful but no amount of lotions and oils worked on his hands. 

Soulmates were an odd concept. Nico watched as yet another boy offered a flower to a red-headed girl. Brushing the back of her neck by accident. He watched as both of their marks glowed brightly and vanished from their skin. The boy’s orange claws shrunk to regular, human fingers and the girl’s spattering of red scales at the base of her neck disappeared. They were still so young, no more than ten but just like that, they found each other. 

It was for these reasons, Nico left camp. Black was a cursed color, always leading to death. Even though he was young, he understood why people whispered behind his back, he knew what Bianca’s sheepish smile meant. He wanted to run away. He wanted to prove them wrong. He wanted to get stronger but his hopes were dashed when Percy came back bearing bad news.  
Bianca hadn’t even met the one who’d erase the silver feathers from the tips of her hair so why did she die? It had to be Nico. Why else would she have died? His claws meant death. It meant he’d lose everyone he’d love. He’d lose Percy and for a young boy that was too much to bear. 

He ran and trained and fought hard. He gained experience with a sword and the pain from cracked skin was nothing compared to the calluses and blisters he received. He felt betrayed and lost and broken but he kept moving on. He kept going forward even going as far as to fight in the Battle of Manhattan, though convincing his Father was a struggle. 

Plunging in the depths of Tartarus was where Nico felt himself break completely. He was scared and alone. In truth, he gave up. Suffocating in that bronze jar, he wanted to die, he wanted to just end it all but he still had the small flicker of hope. 

Now, as he hid behind a bush, a stupid Son of Apollo beside him, Nico was reconsidering his life choices. Will grabbed his hand. He clutched onto his blackened, clawed fingers without so much as a shudder. As if he had held these claws before, run his fingers on them, working his light magic into them. Nico’s and his own claws glowed. They glowed with that unmistakable light that Nico had seen so many times. In Venice, in the Lotus Casino, and at Camp. When Nico looked up to see Will’s reaction, he was met with an expression he knew he should’ve expected. A grimace, a disgusted repulsion that made Nico want to crawl back into that bronze jar. 

A crazed augur reminded him that they were still on the battlefield and had to focus. Still, Nico kept sparing glances at the Son of Apollo looking for something, anything. A flash of a grin, a friendly look just something but Will was too focused on the matter at hand. 

Even when Nico stayed in the infirmary, Will didn’t acknowledge their bond. Now, on his final day in the storage room, Nico felt sick. Will would be coming in soon to give him his final checkup. To examine they Lycaon scratches and to finally sign him out 

Nico scratched at the back of his neck, happy to no longer be cautious with his hands. His now human fingers were free of pain and weight. His broken, blackened claws had shrunk into skin that matched the rest of his body. It was a relief really. Perhaps he’d never experience the relationships many teens did but at least he would no longer deal with the agonizing pain of cracked, bloody skin. 

He held his breath as the door opened to reveal Will, staring at his clipboard per usual. Will never really looked at Nico. Throughout his stay, Will avoided his eyes. He tried to be subtle but after years of people ignoring him, Nico knew it all. He saw the way Will would make up some sort of excuse to leave. He felt the way Will would carefully bandage his wounds, not touching his skin in the slightest. 

It made him angry, made him want to cry but Nico knew there was no point. He had banished a demigod to the underworld. He’d let Octavian die. He’d caused so much pain and worry upon his so-called friends. He deserved this. He was disgusting and deserved this treatment from his soulmate. This was simply just Karma for Bianca’s death. 

Will removed the bandages with gentle fingers. He hummed as he did so, praying to Apollo the wound had healed. It was soft and radiated warmth. In a way, it reminded Nico of the lullaby Bianca would sing to him as a child. 

As Will loosened the last bandage, it seemed his humming had worked. Only white scars were left on Nico’s body. 

Will smiled upon the sight, still avoiding Nico’s gaze. He turned to jot something down before turning back to Nico.  
“Well, that does it, death boy! You’re free to go just refrain from using your death magic okay?”. Will grinned before exiting the room. Just like that, it was over. His soulmate neglected to acknowledge him and that basically summed up Nico’s life. 

Why had Nico hoped that something would change? If Will hadn’t shown interest in the last couple days, why would he show any now? Nico wanted to drown in the shadows. To just completely merge into them but he knew he couldn’t. Huffing, he got up from the bed, putting his shirt on. His new hands made it an easy task. At least he would no longer have to deal with torn shirts anymore. 

He walked out of the entrance, catching a glimpse of Will holding a scalpel. What were Will’s hands like? Of course, he knew Will had claws that matched his, just in gold but were they painful like his? Nico turned to look at his reflection in a window. His eyes were empty and his bags were huge. Probably not he thought. 

Nico made his way out of the infirmary, heading for the Hades cabin. He had no intention of eating dinner, not with this pit in his stomach. Instead, he grabbed some paper and headed to the Athena cabin. His cabin needed decorating and Athena kids would be able to portray what Nico wanted perfectly. 

The Athena kids were happy to help Nico, Annabeth leading the charge of course. Having known Nico for so long, she seemed to pick up on his elegant tastes in decor. His cabin was set to have an old-fashioned look since it made Nico feel comfortable. Black and white marble floors and white window panes would look nice with dark curtains and beds. Not much light got into the Hades cabin so Annabeth insisted on expanding windows but it was coming out to be pretty pricey. They settled for oil lamps as their source of light. It’s not like a child of Hades needed sunlight anyway. 

Work on his cabin began the following day and Nico ended up rooming with the Camp’s oracle, Rachel. Chiron, taking into account Nico’s sexuality, agreed to the arrangement. 

A week into his permanent stay at Camp Half-Blood, Nico was as content as a Son of the God of the Underworld could be. Kids still gave him weird looks and maybe when he entered the arena to train, they avoided him. Perhaps when he sat down for dinner alone, he felt one too many stares on him but Nico just brushed it aside. He was happy to be able to eat without struggling and happier to have showers without scarring himself. 

Jason checked in on him until he left to go build shrines. Percy and Annabeth were preparing for college and Hazel went back to Camp Jupiter. Nico had never been all that close to Piper so it would be awkward for him to suddenly strike up a conversation so Nico was alone. It shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did but, well, it did. 

The worst thing, however, was Will. William Solace would invite Nico to help him out at the infirmary or wake him up in the early morning to go on walks and even drag him out to eat. Not once during the time they spent together did Will mention Soulmates. 

Nico understood Will’s reasonings, honestly, he truly did but that didn’t take the hurt and the pain away. Now, as he lay in bed, tears streaming down his face from yet another nightmare, he considered ending it. What he had now was painful. He loved the younger campers as they ran around with wooden swords. He loved going on walks with Will and he loved eating gooey marshmallows by the campfire. These things should’ve made him happy. But they didn’t. They made him feel empty inside. He felt as if he was banging at a glass window, kids laughing on the other side, singing together. Their faces held so much joy and happiness. Why couldn't he feel that? He’d done everything asked of him. He’d given his all to everyone so why wasn’t he happy?

Nico walked down to a lake, dark grey blanket wrapped around his shivering form. Weeks later and Tartarus still scared him. He still felt the claws of monsters burning against his skin, though when he looked at the affected area, it presented nothing more than marred skin and white lines. He drank water to get rid of the burning feeling of the Phlegethon in his throat. Though no amount of water helped. When he closed his eyes at night, he saw glimpses of his sister, silver feathers gleaming in her hair. It was his fault those feathers would never vanish. 

Nico dipped his hand into the lake water, wiping furiously at his tears. He hated being alone, hated not being able to forget. He suspected that the only reason he ever participated in all of the battles was because of the guilt he felt. It was his fault Percy and Annabeth were plunged into Tartarus. His fault Will would never get that fairytale ending with his soulmate. His fault that Bianca would never see her hair, clear of silver feathers. 

Nico let the tears flow. He felt weak and angry and disappointed. All directed at himself. Nico didn’t hear the slow footsteps behind him. He didn’t hear the soft gasp of shock but he did feel the warm arms wrapping around him, pulling him in. Nico was too ashamed to look up, opting to just continue until he had no more tears left to shed. He felt fingers brush through his hair and a gentle humming that sounded all too familiar. 

“W-Will?” Nico sniffed.  
“It’s okay death boy, I’m here for you”. Nico pulled away from Will, shuffling backward.  
“W-Why? Why are you here?”. Nico pulled the blanket tighter against himself, feeling embarrassment settle in. Will leaned back.  
“I saw someone walking towards the lake and I didn’t want them getting caught by the harpies”. Nico’s head drooped. What was he expecting? Of course, Will was just being his usual, caring self.  
“I’m fine now, you can go back to your cabin”. Nico turned to leave but Will caught his arm.  
“Don’t you at least want to talk about it, Nico? I know it’s rough for you and it’ll be good to get it off your chest”. Nico didn’t say anything just stopped and felt his eyes swell again. He felt stupid, he felt weak. He didn’t want to put all of this on Will’s shoulders. As head of the infirmary and Cabin 7, he didn’t need the extra weight.  
“It’s fine Will, I’m fine, just a nightmare”. Will let go of his arm as he ran back to his cabin. He pounced into his sheets, frantically searching for a playlist on his iPod. Music made things better. It blocked him from the rest of the world and would help him fall asleep. 

Nico woke up to tear tracks down his face. He cleaned himself up before heading out the door. He didn’t feel like seeing anyone today but he had skipped lunch and dinner yesterday. He plucked an apple from a tree. He washed it before going on a morning stroll. So much was on his mind that he wished he’d brought that iPod with him. Percy had given it to him after he got an android for his birthday. Nico really only used it for music but it was enough for him. 

He stopped by the edge of the lake, an area filled with trees and great shading. No one would be able to find him here. He sat down and finished his apple. He was repulsed by his reflection in the lake water and instead leaned back against the tree. He listened to the birds' early morning song and the laughter of campers nearby. Yet another young couple had their feathers and tail glow and then vanish completely. Nico heard the surprised gasps, felt the stomping and cheers of feet through the ground. He was startled however by the blonde head of hair consuming his vision. 

“Beautiful isn’t it?”. Puzzled, Nico questioned.  
“What?”. Will chuckled as he sat beside him without an invitation.  
“Soulmates”. Nico ignored his skipping heart and didn’t answer Will. Will’s eyes clouded over and he sighed.  
“I know this all new to you Nico, I know it’s hard and I’m sorry but I know what you’re-”.  
“You don’t know crap Solace”. Nico’s blackened claws flashed in front of his eyes. The claws looked much too similar to the ones of the manticore. “You don’t know what it’s like for me, you don’t know what I’ve been through and I doubt you’d care to know”. Nico pushed past the tears that threatened to fall and he did something he had sworn he wouldn’t do, he shadow-traveled, right in front of Will. 

Nico collapsed onto his bed, struggling to breathe. All he saw was darkness. The warm glow of his lamps turned into the fiery pits of Tartarus. He unleashed his screams from the fire burning his skin before the darkness enveloped him and he passed out. 

Nico awoke to gentle hands and a worried voice.  
“What good is it being his soulmate if I can’t help him!”. The voice was familiar, brash but warm.  
“Just calm down, he’s strong, he’ll get through this”. The hand moved away from him, an ache replacing it.  
“I know he can but I don’t want him to go through it alone! No one should ever have to be alone through all of this”. 

Nico slowly opened his eyes to see Will’s eyes brimming with unshed tears.  
“I just want him to be happy Kayla, I want to be with him. I’ve waited for so long”. Will wiped furiously at his face. Nico saw Kayla’s shocked face in the corner of the room, staring at the bleary-eyed but very much awake, Son of Hades. Will hadn’t yet caught on and continued to run his fingers through his hair. Nico didn’t pull away. 

“Kayla, I don’t care if I have to go to Tartarus myself, I want to help him! He’s been through so much by himself. I should’ve been there for him. I’m his soulmate but I couldn’t help him. Kayla I-”.  
“Will”. Kayla tried to interrupt but Will continued.  
“Kayla, you don’t get it, he’s been through so much and I was never there for him. I should’ve fallen into Tartarus with him but he went in alone. I should’ve been by his side but I wasn’t.”. The tears steadily fell from his eyes. “When I became a medic at this Camp, I took an oath to heal and protect but I neglected my own Soulmate”.  
“Will, you didn’t know it was him”. Will closed his eyes.  
“I should’ve if I had known I never would’ve let him go alone. I would’ve loved him like I do now I-”. Kayla glanced at Nico whose eyes were wide. Her lips quivered slightly as she spoke.  
“Will, you don’t know what you’re saying, you’re obviously too emotional, let me call-”.  
“No!”. Will stood up from his seat, beside Nico’s bed. Swiftly but quietly, still unaware that Nico had woken up he whispered. “I know exactly what I’m saying. I loved him then and I love him now. I want to help him, Kayla, I just don’t know how”. Kayla gave a small nod to Nico before walking out of the room. Nico took this as his cue to speak. 

“Will”. His voice stung from screaming at nothing. He was exhausted and his eyes hurt from crying. 

Will turned around to face Nico. His eyes were red, mirroring the boy before him. “N-Nico I”. Nico just reached over and tugged on Will’s arm. Will sat down beside him, shock written on his face. 

“D-did you mean it? Everything you said?”Nico asked. Will’s face had reached a dark shade of red and he was avoiding Nico’s eyes but he slowly nodded. Nico was taken aback but he had to know the truth. “Y-you love me?”. Again Will lifted his head up, gazing into Nico’s eyes and again, he nodded. 

He was clutching onto the white sheets of the cot so tightly his hands were white. He was embarrassed and scared of Nico’s reaction. After all, he’d waited so long for Nico. 

Nico slowly brought his hands to Will's. He bumped his fingers against Will’s before letting it settle in his palm. Without any hesitation, Will gripped his hand, rubbing soothing circles. Meanwhile, Nico’s mind was ticking, desperately trying to piece everything together. 

“Why-w-when Octavian was-you grabbed my hand and- you knew?”. Will nodded his head. Nico’s tears were flowing freely down his face. “Why did you ignore me? I thought you hated me? I thought you didn’t want me. I-I thought-”. Will hugged Nico running soothing fingers through his hair.  
“After what you had been through, I wanted you to heal. I wanted to give you space a-and time. Nico looked up at him. Will kissed his forehead, cradling him to his chest. “I never meant to ignore you or hurt you, I just wanted to help you heal. I love you, Nico”. 

Nico was speechless, he let Will rock him back and forth on the cot until he had stopped crying. He pulled away to see Will’s sunny smile.  
“I’m sorry Will I thought you were ignoring me and-”.  
“Nico, I would never do that. I wanted you to come to me on your own terms, in your own time. I was trying to help you, that’s why I took you on walks and took you to dinner. I love you and I want to take care of you. Just give me a chance?”. 

Nico felt stupid. He looked at Will’s red eyes. He had caused this. He pushed all of his problems onto Will who was the last person to deserve them. He caused Will so much pain just with Bianca. ‘

Did Nico love him? He was his soulmate and the only person to show him anything besides disgust. He had feelings for Will definitely but could that be defined as love? If he loved Will, would he follow Bianca? His golden claws had vanished unlike Bianca’s silver feathers but Nico carried an aura of death with him. He didn’t see said aura around Will now but what would he do if it appeared one day? Would he be able to leave Will with these growing feelings?

Will nudged Nico’s hair aside, caressing his cheek as he did. Nico grew red and he turned away. Will chuckled at that reaction and held him a little closer, if possible. 

Nico was tired, he was downright exhausted. He wanted to plunge into Will’s warmth because it was so much kinder than the darkness. Will kissed his cheek. Just a brush of his lips really but it filled that emptiness Nico had felt for so long. Now, as Will hummed a soft tune against Nico’s neck, golden light radiating from him, Nico decided he’d deal with his problems as they came. He had Will and if his grasp on Nico’s hand was anything to go by, Will didn’t plan on leaving him anytime soon. 

His life was rough. For so long, he was alone. He had faced death one too many times but now, he had something to live for. For now, he’d submit to the warmth brought to him. For now, he was content in Will’s arms, feeling something he hadn’t felt for a very long time, happy.


End file.
